Stacking the Deck

My daughter started kindergarten this year and so there are many firsts that we have experienced together, and this morning was by far one of the best. My kindergartener and I got to pray together at her school for her first See You at the Pole. See You at The Pole is a prayer event that happen nation wide where students gather around their school’s flagpole and pray for the students and facility at their school. So that is exactly what we did along side about 10 other families and a handful of teachers. It was a moving time, especially to hear the prayers of the sweet kids pray for their friends and teachers to know Jesus, and to watch families pray together. I was blessed to be there and was blessed by the fact that my kid goes to school with families and TEACHERS that would make it a priority to be at that flag pole.
You see I struggled for a long time about what to do about schooling for my daughter, and the struggle only got worse as she got closer to starting school. I thought I can’t put her in public school, she will get eaten alive, I mean God isn’t even in public schools, right? However, God had different plans for our daughter and made it very clear that it was His will for our family that our kids go to public school. I don’t believe that it is God’s will for every kid to go to public school, just like I don’t believe it is God’s will for every kid to be home schooled or go to private school. I believe it is God’s will that every family ask God what He would have for their kids when it comes to school.
I thought about that struggle and those feelings as I left my daughter’s school this morning. And looking back on how foolish it was for me to think if my daughter went to public school she would be cut off from God. Many of you have probably heard the phrase, “put God back in school!” It occurred to me this morning we don’t need to put God back in school, He never left, He is already there! How do I know this? Because I saw Him in the teachers that gathered around the flag pole this morning and I heard Him in the voices of the kids that prayed for their friends to become Christ-followers. What we need to do is help as many students and teachers as possible to find Him right there, in that place, in the public school.

Today when I get home from work I will hug my kids and play whatever they want to play until their little heart is content. Why? Well, because I can…because they are healthy…and because life is precious. Please take some time to read the story of this sweet family and then take even more time to lift them up in prayer.

http://www.jamescamdensikes.blogspot.com/

Last summer my daughter and I participated in a program called Princess Prep School and Warrior Prince Academy. I heard about it from some parents at church as a suggestion of a program to look into doing at Parkway Fellowship. I didn’t really know what to expect from the program or really even what it was about, but by the end of the week I was blown away! Not by the props, puppet shows, music, crafts or even the staff, but by the core principle of the program: to train boys and girls how to be modern day warriors and princesses.

Princess Prep School exist to show young girls that their true identity is not what they wear or how they look, but rather, true princesses are evaluated on how they reflect the character and person of Jesus Christ to those around them. Warrior Prince Academy teaches boys how to be young men by focusing on characteristics such as respect, humility, and responsibility. Each day both boys and girls learn a new characteristic as well as a Bible verse to teach them how to be true Warriors and Princesses for the King…Jesus. Then at the end, of the program each performs and graduates as Warrior or Princess.

Sounds great, right? I mean what parent doesn’t want their child to grow up confidently knowing who they are in the Lord? Not struggling with self-worth, becoming the spiritual leader that God created them to be? I have never seen a program that communicates this message the way this program does!

I did see one flaw in the program though…it only goes up to 2nd grade! As the mother of a Kindergartener this didn’t concern me, but as a Children’s Pastor I couldn’t get past the thought that if I could only pick one age group of kids that needs this message more than any other it would be kids ages 9-12, which is the exact age group that is left out!

But I didn’t let this stop us from doing this program at The Park. In fact I am happy to say that August 1st – 3rd from 6 – 8 PM at Parkway Fellowship we will have 3 nights of Warrior Prince Academy and Princess Prep School for all kids ages Pre-K thru 5th grade. The past few days I have been working to rewrite and revise the program to make it age appropriate for not only young kids, but for 3rd – 5th graders as well. The lessons for the 3rd – 5th grade girls focus on topics such as gossip, modesty, and self-image, while the boys lessons focus on self-control, respecting girls, and accepting responsibility.

So, if you are a parent in the Katy/Richmond area I would encourage you to visit www.kidsatthepark.com and register your little warrior or princess for this event! It’s going to be AMAZING!

For more information over the program you can also go to www.royalpurpose.com.

This morning at 6:45 AM at Parkway Fellowship we loaded up 42 kids on a charter bus, watched them all wave their little hands bye bye to mommy, and sent them to Sherman, TX for 4 days of church camp!

I never had the opportunity to go to camp when I was a kid, so every summer when I get to take a group of kids to camp I revert back to the childlike Jenny and absolutely relish the whole camp experience. In fact, I would be lying if I didn’t say getting to go to camp every year did not play a huge part in my decision to become a Children’s Pastor!

But, after getting to go to camp for 9 straight summers, this summer I had to watch the bus pull out without me on it. You see I am 33 weeks pregnant with child #3 and the doctor didn’t think it was such a good idea to be 300 miles away from home. So while I am getting constant updates on what is going on at camp I can’t help but be jealous of what the kids and sponsors are getting to experience over the next 4 days.

If you never went to church camp as a kid, you may not understand why this is such an important trip to send our kids on, so I put together a little list of the top three reasons why you should make it a top priority as a parent to make sure your child goes to camp every year.

1. It teaches them independence.
Most camps start accepting kids entering 3rd grade and that is no accident. This is also around the same age that kids begin to show some independence and begin to want to try things without mom and dad. Camp is a great, safe environment for kids to really train and flex that muscle of independence while still being well supervised and taken care of.

2. It teaches them dependance
Wait, what? Didn’t I just say it teaches them independence?

Well yes, but it also teaches them some very healthy dependence…not on you, as a parent, but on the One that loves them far more than you do…Jesus! For a lot of kids, camp is the first time that they are introduced to a large corporate worship service, daily quiet times, and true fellowship with other Christ-followers their age, which really helps them understand how much Jesus loves them and wants to have a relationship with them.

3. Kids need to get away too!
Just like adults, kids need to get away from the distractions of this world and have some carved out time to just focus on God and what He is teaching them. They need to be removed from homework, gaming devices, siblings, and yes, even you, to listen for and maybe even hear for the first time the whisper (or shout) of the Holy Spirit.

This is going to be such a great week for our kids, and I can’t wait to hear all that they have learned! I know next year, I will be on that bus the second week in July headed to church camp, and I hope your child will be too!

This morning I was given the awesome opportunity to teach alongside our Ministries Pastor, Adam Jungeblut, about “The Why of Discipline.” I had a great time preparing and teaching about such an important subject such as discipline to the parents at Parkway Fellowship. Below is a link to the audio of the section that I taught, for the whole sermon you can visit www.parkwayfellowship.com.

Click here to listen to the Podcast

What are the first thoughts that come to your mind when you think about your child having a “quiet time.” Do you think, “There is no way my child could possibly ever sit still or focus long enough to have a quiet time?” Or do you think, “Yes! I would love for my child to develop the habit of spending time alone with God, but I am not really sure how you teach quiet times?” Well, I am here to tell you that yes your child does have what it takes to have a quiet time and after reading through a few simple tips you will have what it takes to teach them how to do it!

1. Teach through Example

Honestly, one of the best ways to teach your child the importance of spending quiet alone time with God, is by making sure that you are spending quiet, alone time with God. Allow your children to see you reading your Bible. Allow your children to hear you pray (yes, that means you will have to pray out loud). I am not saying that you need to invite your child to be a part of your quiet time every day, after all it is your personal alone time with God, but I am encouraging you to live your faith out in the open where your children can see it.

A great example of this is a conversation I had with a little boy in a class I was teaching one Sunday. In this particular class we were talking about taking notes in your Bible. I asked the class if anyone had ever seen someone highlight or write notes in their Bible? A little boy raised his hand and said, “Yes, my dad writes in his Bible almost every day!” What a great dad! Not only was his son seeing his Dad with his Bible everyday, he was also being introduced to a skill such as note taking just because his father understood the importance of teaching through example.

2. Teach through Doing

Just start doing it!

Ok, ok…I know …if it was that easy, you wouldn’t be reading this, right? Well, I think the first step to “just start doing it” is to develop a level of consistency that makes it easier for you and your child to have a quiet time. Consistency in time, location, and routine. The first thing you want to do is pick a time and a place (the same everyday) in which you can sit down with your child and have a quiet time.

If your child can read, sit down with them for the first 2 or 3 quiet times, and teach them what they need to be doing during that time. If your child can’t read yet, help them understand the parts of a quiet time that they CAN do on their own…like praying and finding ways the Bible applies to their life! The key is to move them to the point where it is THEIR quiet time with God.

When you have more than one child that can’t read yet, I recommend sitting down to have a quiet time as a family. For example, in my house we have a 5 year old and 2 year. Every night 15 – 20 minutes before bed my family sits down together and we have our quiet times. We all pray together out loud (when my kids were toddlers I would just have them repeat words after me until they could form thoughts and sentences on their own), go through a page in their devotion book (Book Title Here), talk about what the devotion was about, and end in a prayer thanking God for what we just learned. We have done that every night since my oldest child was 18 months old, and in the next year my 5 year will begin to read on her own and we will begin to transition her to doing her quiet times by herself while we continue to do them with her little brothers.

3. Teach through Accountability

The final step is to remember that at this stage in your child’s spiritual life you are their accountability partner. This is especially important to remember as your child gets older. Don’t just assume your child is spending time with God, hold them accountable to it! Talk to your child about what they are learning in their quiet times every day. And openly talk to your child about what you are learning in your quiet time as well. Remember, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” Proverbs 27:17. This is true for parents and kids as well.

If you haven’t started this practice of quiet times in your child’s life or even in your life yet, don’t dwell on the time you have missed rather don’t let another day go by without this discipline. And look forward to the spiritual transformation your child is going to experience by making spending time with God as routine as getting dressed every day.

Ages 7 – 11 years

When these pivotal years roll around your child will begin to show interest in concepts such as privacy and independence, and many times this is the time in which parents and kids begin to disconnect from each other. Do not let your child fool you into thinking that you are no longer needed or that you are not the most influential person in their life. Because the reality of the situation is, that you are the most influential person in their life, and because of that YOUR conversations or lack of conversations with your child about sex will shape their view of sex.

To some of you that is a scary thought, but really what a blessing it is that you have the opportunity to teach your child what a great gift God has given us through sex from the very first conversation or exposure of the concept of sex. The truth is your child is going to learn about sex, and you as a parent have to make the decision to beat the world to the punch with any preconceived notions on what sex is and is not. I know for my husband and I we would much rather our kids grow up and have a set of moral values that have been set my God’s Word, not the media or the kids at school.

Normally during the ages of 7 – 11 years is when you have what is known as “THE TALK.” Here is the key, it is not a one-time occurrence, in fact is a process that must be revisited many time throughout their adolescence, and you must be the one that initiates the conversations. Many families that I know use everyday situations as catalyst to initiating a conversation about sex. For example, pointing something that you see on TV together, that does not reflect your family value, or taking the time to explain to your child why they are not allowed to do things that go against your values, instead of just saying no.

I know some of you are thinking, all right I get it, I need talk to my child about sex, but how do I do it. Here is the deal, I could give you a script for you to repeat to your child and mark off your list of things to do, but each kid is different and no one knows you child like you do. So what I would encourage you to do it is invest in two resources, which I have found extremely helpful. The first one is a book entitled, Questions Kids Ask about Sex: honest Answers for Every Age. This book really helps in answering some of kid’s toughest sexual questions specifically, but also staying age appropriate. The second resource is a workbook and CD set entitled Passport 2 Purity, which is a workbook that you and your child can do together which guides and leads conversation. With Passport 2 Purity I recommend that you set aside a weekend in which to do this with your child, when they are between the ages of 9 and 13 years old, preferably as close to a birthday as possible. Be sure to highlight that this is a rite of passage or transition in which they are now going to be responsible for protecting and the purity of themselves as well as their future spouse. I would recommend father’s taking sons and mother’s taking daughters. If you are a single parent, arrange someone that you trust and is a spiritual mentor to your child to help with such an event.

Remember no matter what the age of you child is; it is not too late or too early to begin to taking an active role in forming your child’s view of sex. While it may be awkward and uncomfortable at first I promise that both your child and your child’s spouse will thank you for taking the time to give your child the gift of purity.

Ages 2 – 6 years

It may be shocking to some of you, but the communication between you and your child about sex really needs to begin around the time in which you are able to have a real back and forth conversation with your child. For most kids, this is around the age of 2.  I am in no way insinuating that it is appropriate to sit down with your 2 year old and explain the science behind sex. What I am saying is that it is extremely important to begin to communicate and teach your child what parts of their body are private and who does or does not have permission to touch their body. It is also important to never avoid or ignore a question your child asks, however to tried to be as prepared as possible to take advantage of teachable moments.

Teachable Moments

In these preschool years, most of your conversations will stem from questions asked by your little one, such as asking about gender specific body parts or where babies come. It is important to watch for and take advantage of those teachable moments.  Many of these moments may come at times like bath time or when you are dressing them. At these times be sure to clarify the question and give an honest answer. 

At this age, the most important thing you can do when your child begins to ask you sexually geared questions is to respond to them with the phrase “What do you mean?”  Not only will this save you perhaps from a moment of embarrassment, but it also creates accountability for you as a parent to make sure that you are only giving answers in which your preschooler is ready to hear.

Now if you are anything like me you learn best if someone can give you an example. I’ve listed some frequently asked questions from kids in this age range and some example ways in which you can answer them. Keep in mind every kid is different and therefore may require a different answer, but you know your kid best and can simply use these as a guideline.

• Where did I come from?

When a child ask this question they may be wanting to know where they geographically where born or the spiritual question whether God actually made them or not. However, sometimes when a preschooler asks this question they do want to know how they were made. That is why your first response should be, “What do you mean?”just to make sure that you are correctly answering that question.  If it is apparent your child is curious about the birth process, you can answer this way: “You grew in your mother’s body. All mothers’ have a special place where babies grow. It’s called the womb and when you were ready, you came out of your mom’s body.

• How do babies get out of the mommy?

Mommies have a special opening between their legs that allows a baby to come out when the time is right. Keep it that simple!

• Will I have a baby too?

If a girl asks this question, you can answer, “Yes, when you grow up and get married, you may have a baby.”If a boy asks this question, you can answer, “No, boys, don’t have a special place for babies to grow like girls do. But when you get married your wife may have a baby.”

The key is to listen closely to what your child is really asking and give an honest, specific answer. If you are too vague or answer a question your child isn’t really asking, you are only going to confuse your child! Answer their questions at their level!

Protecting Your Child

One of the most important reasons you want to start talking to your child about sex early is for their own protection. The more informed a young child is with their body parts and what parts are considered private parts, the less likely they will ever be victims of sexual abuse. Below are some suggestions of some things you can do as a parent to help protect your child from sexual abuse.

• Explain to your child that God made their body very special. Every part of their body is good, but some parts of their body are private.
• Clearly identify for your child which parts of their anatomy are private. If your child is young, consider sharing the above information during their bath time. Another idea is to have your child dress in a bathing suit and show them that all areas covered by a bathing suit are “private.”
• Let your child know they must tell you if anyone touches them in the private areas – no matter who the person is, or what the person says to them. Assure your child they will not be in trouble if they tell you they’ve been touched inappropriately – rather, you will be proud of them, and help them through the situation.

One of the most important things you can do as a parent when it comes to protecting your child is to ensure that your child is well educated about the topic and always has an open line of communication to you. Whether that is answering questions or being proactive about educating your child, your words are so important in developing a healthy understanding of what God’s desire for sex is.

When and how do I talk to my kids about sex?

That is the one of the most commonly asked question I get asked from parents! Because it is such an important question, and I want to make sure to do an adequate job addressing the question, I am going to break this up into a series of three different blog posts. In the first post we will talk about why this is such an important subject to discuss with your kids. Posts two and three will be broken down by ages 2 – 6 years old and 7 – 11 years old and the types of conversations you should have for those age groups.

So why is it so important that I discuss sex with my kids?

First and foremost, you are the most influential person in your child’s life! YOUR conversations…or lack of conversations…with your child about sex will shape the way in which they view sex for the rest of their lives! To some of you, that might be a scary thought, but really, what a blessing it is! You have the opportunity to teach your child what a great gift God has given us through sex from the very first conversation or exposure of the concept of sex. You see, your child is going to learn about sex, and you as a parent have to make the decision to beat the world to the punch with any preconceived notions on what sex is and is not.  I know for my husband and I, we would much rather our kids grow up and have a set of biblical moral values that we have set for our family and not the view the media or the kids at school have set.

Second, it is important that we are discussing sex with our kids not only to form their moral values, but also for their protection.  The more informed a child is with their body parts and sexuality, the less likely they will be victims of sexual abuse. None of us as parents ever want to think of any child, much less our child, being a victim of sexual abuse, but unfortunately we live in a fallen world and such injustices do happen and I know I want to do everything I can as a parent to educate, train, and protect my children from ever being a victim of sexual abuse.

So what/when should we talk about?

I want to share one of my favorite parenting stories with you.

My friend Sarah shared with me about a time when her son, Drew, was about 5 years old and asked, “Mommy, where did I come from?”

Well, of course, Sarah gets that horrible feeling we have all had as parents when your child asks a question you have no idea how to answer! Doing the best she can, she begins into the “when Mommy and Daddy’s love each other” speech, when all of a sudden Drew interrupts her and says, “No Mommy! Jake told me he was from Alabama and I just wanted to know if I was from Alabama too.”

While, this is a very funny story, my hope is that after journeying together through these next few blog posts, you and I can be ready for such teachable moments and take advantage of this great blessing God has given us of  sexually educating our kids. We’ll spend some time talking about what is appropriate to talk about at what age and some specific examples of how to do it.

                About a year ago I was sitting in a pastor’s staff meeting where we began to discuss ideas for the upcoming year’s teaching series. We kicked around ideas over discipleship, evangelism, marriage…you name it, we discussed it…and then we began to discuss a series over parenting. We knew we didn’t want it to be a “do this, don’t do that, change this behavior, discipline, blah, blah, blah” kind of series. We wanted it to be a series over how to set your child up for spiritual success and how to shape your child’s heart to love and follow God now and throughout adulthood. According to the Barna Group, the leading research organization in faith and cultural research, 75% of all decisions to follow Christ are made by age 13. We wanted every parent to have the resources to STACK THE DECK in favor of their child becoming a Christ follower at a young age. But how do we as parents STACK THE DECK?

                While I wish I could answer this question in one blog post, it is simply not that easy. But since that first discussion of how to STACK THE DECK, as a parent and as a Children’s Pastor, I have not been able to get the concept out of my mind. As a result, I (…and my tech savvy husband) created a  website specifically dedicated to answering this question by giving parents resources, tips, and the overall support needed to make sure they can STACK THE DECK for their kids.

                My commitment to you is to add something new to this website at least once a week…hopefully more, but after all I am trying to STACK THE DECK for 2 little ones and one in the oven just like you! So, keep in mind it is a constant work in progress, and while I have almost 10 years of experience in Children’s Ministry, I in NO WAY have all the answers, so please leave feedback and encouragement for myself and others as we travel down this road of parenthood together!  I’m praying for you and your family and I know that together we can really STACK THE DECK for our kids!

In Christ,

Jenny